The Best Egg Nog You’ll Ever Drink

Egg Nog is my Christmas holiday guilty pleasure. I can’t get enough of the stuff in the days leading up to and after Christmas. And I only drink it at Christmas. My recipe is an adaptation of Martha Stewart’s booze heavy elixir and Alton Brown’s Scientifically Sound Serum.

Tweaks

Instead of hand grated cinnamon, Penny’s Cinnamon Tung Hing is a game changer. Sabrina Mapp’s homemade, Bulleit bourbon vanilla is the jam. Her Sri Lankan vanilla beans have been steeping for over a year.

Per usual, here we go.

Tools

• A stand mixer
• A Microplane hand held grater
• A rubber spatula
• A metal spoon
• A glass, half-gallon sized jar with rubber seal

Ingredients

• A nutmeg seed
• Tung Hing Cinnamon to taste
• 1 Teaspoon Real vanilla extract
• 7 Egg Yolks
• 1 Cup of Sugar
• A pinch of salt
• 1 Pint heavy whipping cream
• 1 Pint half and half
• 1 Cup of Uncle Nearest 1856
• 0.5 Cups of Vanilla Infused Bourbon
• 0.5 Cups of Cognac
• 1 Cup of Dark Spiced Rum

The Method

1. Freeze the stand mixer’s whisk attachment and bowl until they’re really cold.
2. In the meantime separate the yolks from the egg whites. If you don’t want to age the nog, you can whip the whites with sugar and make a meringue fluff to top the eggnog.
3. Using your microplane, grind the nutmeg seed until you have enough nutmeg to flavor your nog. You can grate it in a dish or bowl, or whatever you have to hold it. The nutmeg amount is a matter of preference, so grate enough to taste.
4. Using your microplane, grind the cinnamon stick into the same bowl or dish as the nutmeg for your flavor profile.
5. Take the stand mixer’s bowl and whisk attachment out of the freezer and attach them to the mixer.
6. Dump the egg yolks in the bowl.
7. Dump the sugar on top of the egg yolks.
8. Pinch the salt in with the yolks and sugar.
9. Dump the ground nutmeg and cinnamon in with the yolks and sugar.
10. Start the stand mixer by setting it to its lowest setting. You will cream (there’s a funny chef meme out there) the sugar and egg yolks for a long time.
11. Cream the sugar/yolk mix until the yellow yolky color lightens and when you stop the mixer and lift the whisk, the yolks form a ribbon like stream from the whisk. It will be speckled because you’ve whisked the yolks with nutmeg and cinnamon.
12. Restart the mixer and continue whisking for some more time.
13. Add the vanilla extract.
14. Increase the whisk speed to low/medium speed. The yolk mixer will thicken because more air is being added to the mix.
15. Stop the mixer. Using the rubber spatula scrap any excess creamed yolk from the sides of the bowl.
16. Restart the mixer on a low speed, we don’t want these ingredients splashing out of the bowl.
17. Now, add the pint of whipping cream. Let the mixer whisk for a little longer. Do not whisk for too long. You’re not trying to make eggnog fluff.
18. Add the half and half. The mixture should thin out now and you should be watching your eggnog mixture slosh around. It’s a little thick, this is okay. Just watch it for a moment or two.
19. Add the dark rum. Watch the mixture slosh around. The color will darken to a rich, eggnog like, color.
20. Add the cognac. Mixture is thinning some more.
21. Add the brandy. Mixture is even thinner.
22. Take a swig of the Uncle Nearest.
23. Pour the rest of in the bowl.
24. Let the mixer slosh all of the ingredients around for a bit.
25. Stop the mixer.
26. Stir the mixture using your spoon. Make sure you scrape the bottom some stand mixers find it hard to reach. Look at how your egg nog slides off of the back of the spoon.
27. Is your egg nog…right? Do you need more whiskey? If so, take a sip and add a sip.
28. Restart the mixer. Just let the stuff mix for a while. Listen to a couple of Christmas songs.
29. Stop the mixer, and stir using your spoon.
30. Empty the bowl into a glass jar with seal. Place the jar IN THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE.
31. Wait for Christmas.